- kids were out of control crazy today. probably because of that red moon eclipse thing last night.
- my workload is also out of control crazy but you know, at least i did some of it tonight.
- the hardest thing about whole30 next month is going to be no dunk’s iced coffee (at least not with cream&sugar)
- i’m feeling really, really sad about the 2013 boston marathon. everything i felt last year is coming back (this needs/deserves its own post)
- i am always ready for bed. at literally any time of the day or night.
- 19 days and 2 hours until the last day of class..
My first ever Whole30 compliant meal. Obviously I am bad at frying eggs. Anyway this is sweet potato, spinach, ground beef, bell pepper, onion, and one egg. Cooked in coconut oil and topped with hot sauce, salt and pepper.
Pretty damn delicious although I still feel kind of hungry, I think. Just had a mandarin too.
I’m not officially starting Whole30 till May 1st but I want to practice making stuff. I prepped most of the ingredients last night, reheated them, and added the spinach and eggs in the pan. Pretty easy.
- Taught/was in school for 5 hours
- Played some very active games with my kiddos
- Went to class #1 (1 hour)
- Came home feeling like shit
- Went for a run/long walk with Doug
- Got some ice cream
- Came home and made/ate dinner (dessert first, bitches)
- Went to class #2 (2 hours)
- Came home and relaxed a bit
- Read and annotated a research paper
- At 10pm, decided to prep lunches for the rest of the week (currently just waiting for the sweet potatoes to finish)
Ready for much needed sleeeeeeeep
went for a run, and then a very long(ish) uphill walk. then got soft serve black raspberry. #heaven
Update: professor is wearing hair extensions that are a COMPLETELY different color than her hair. This makes me think her incompetence (as a professor) might translate to other areas of life…
TL;DR: hate this useless class.
- Best weather imaginable
- My two lessons/activities this morning went tremendously well. One of them I felt pretty unsure of (so did my coop teacher) but she said she was impressed!!
- Going for a run with Doug this afternoon
- Woke up on time and was able to take my time getting ready
- One of the kindergarteners I constantly butt heads with asked me to play soccer with him today and it was wonderful
So tired of hearing people say:
"Education is the easiest major."
"Anyone can teach."
Or any variation/combination of the above two statements. If you seriously believe that, get down off your high horse and head into a classroom for a few weeks.
Alternatively, go fuck yourself.
Apartment is clean for the first time in the past month. Clean sheets, clean towels, dusted surfaces, papers sorted, etc. It feels really good and it didn’t take an insane amount of effort or time.
However, my workload today IS going to take an insane amount of effort and time. Which is why I’m heading to the library shortly..
Doing a Whole30 challenge next month. 90 minute (roundtrip) drive to Whole Foods today…$35 later, and I had coconut milk, coconut oil, organic butter (to make ghee), nitrate/nitrite/sugar-free chorizo, frozen blueberries, and sunflower seed butter.
Wrote a lesson plan in 15 (!!!) minutes.
Having dinner with my parents and the husband in about an hour.
It’s a beautiful day. Doug and I went for our first run together (EVER) this morning around the river and it was glorious. And fun.
The house is partially cleaned and smells fresh and nice because all the windows are opened.
Today is a good day. I want more of these days.
I haven’t been updating because there isn’t much new stuff to report.
I have good days and bad days. 50/50 split most of the time. Today was bad.
I just oscillate between wanting to live in the moment and wanting to die. That can’t be healthy.
I know I sound cynical. It’s just I’ve been this way for ten fucking years with no signs of stopping. I look back with such intense nostalgia and longing for childhood because it was the beginning of adolescence when my brain seemed to rewire itself and I started looking at life through a darker lens.
Have I always hated myself this much? I don’t think so. Have I always been this anxious? I don’t think so. I refuse to believe it was that one event that set off this chain of events but that’s the only thing that makes sense. The only explanation I know of.
Which makes it that much harder to forgive that person.
spent all morning finding new music.
it wasn’t a waste of time.
Just found out I’m receiving an award from my department at the senior dinner next month! And because I’m receiving an award, Doug can attend the dinner with me for free.
I am so excited. And proud of myself. Just have to get through the rest of April- I can do this!!
Sometimes you’re 23 and standing in the kitchen of your house making breakfast and brewing coffee and listening to music that for some reason is really getting to your heart. You’re just standing there thinking about going to work and picking up your dry cleaning. And also more exciting things like books you’re reading and trips you plan on taking and relationships that are springing into existence. Or fading from your memory, which is far less exciting. And suddenly you just don’t feel at home in your skin or in your house and you just want home but “Mom’s” probably wouldn’t feel like home anymore either. There used to be the comfort of a number in your phone and ears that listened everyday and arms that were never for anyone else. But just to calm you down when you started feeling trapped in a five-minute period where nostalgia is too much and thoughts of this person you are feel foreign. When you realize that you’ll never be this young again but this is the first time you’ve ever been this old. When you can’t remember how you got from sixteen to here and all the same feel like sixteen is just as much of a stranger to you now. The song is over. The coffee’s done. You’re going to breathe in and out. You’re going to be fine in about five minutes.
this is my favorite quote fucking ever wow I love it
this hit me hard